1But most people perversely, not to say shamelessly, want to have a friend such as they themselves cannot be, and what they do not give to their friends they expect from them. 1It is right, however, first to be a good man oneself, and then to look for another like oneself. 1Among such men that stability of friendship which we have long been discussing can be made firm, when men joined by goodwill will, first, master those desires to which others are slaves; 1next, they will delight in fairness and justice, and each will undertake everything for the other; 1and neither will ever demand of the other anything but what is honourable and right, and they will not only cherish and love each other, but also respect each other.
1For he who takes respect out of friendship takes away its greatest ornament. 83And so those are in a pernicious error who think that in friendship licence lies open for every lust and wrongdoing. 83Friendship was given by nature as the helper of the virtues, not the companion of the vices, so that, since virtue on its own could not attain the highest things, it might attain them when joined and allied with another. 83If such a partnership exists, or has existed, or will exist between any people, their companionship must be held the best and happiest on the way to nature's highest good. 84This, I say, is the partnership in which are all the things that men think worth seeking: honour, glory, peace of mind and joy; 84so that, when these are present, life is happy, and without them it cannot be. And since this is the best and greatest thing, if we wish to attain it, we must devote ourselves to virtue, without which we can obtain neither friendship nor anything else worth seeking; 84but those who neglect virtue and think they have friends realise at last that they were mistaken when some grave misfortune forces them to put those friends to the test.
85Wherefore (for it must be said again and again) you ought to love when you have judged; 85not to judge when you have loved. 85But while we are punished for carelessness in many things, we are so above all in choosing and cultivating friends; 85for we follow topsy-turvy counsels and do what is already done, which an old proverb forbids us to do. 85For after we have become entangled with each other, either by long intercourse or by services as well, suddenly, in mid-course, some offence arises and we break off our friendships.