Amic. 21.1Est etiam quaedam calamitās in amīcitiīs dīmittendīs nōn numquam necessāria—iam enim ā sapientium familiāritātibus ad volgārīs amīcitiās ōrātiō nostra dēlābitur.There is also a kind of misfortune, sometimes a necessary one, in breaking off friendships; for our discourse is now slipping down from the intimacies of the wise to ordinary friendships. Amic. 21.1Ērumpunt saepe vitia amīcōrum tum in ipsōs amīcōs, tum in aliēnōs, quōrum tamen ad amīcōs redundet īnfāmia.The faults of friends often break out, sometimes against their friends themselves, sometimes against strangers, yet so that the disgrace overflows onto the friends. Amic. 21.1Tālēs igitur amīcitiae sunt remissiōne ūsūs ēluendae et, ut Catōnem dīcere audīvī, dissuendae magis quam discindendae, nisi quaedam admodum intolerābilis iniūria exārserit, ut neque rēctum neque honestum sit nec fierī possit ut nōn statim aliēnātiō disiūnctiōque facienda sit.Such friendships, therefore, must be washed out by a slackening of intercourse and, as I heard Cato say, unstitched rather than torn apart, unless some quite intolerable wrong has flared up, such that it is neither right nor honourable, nor indeed possible, to avoid an immediate estrangement and separation. Amic. 21.77Sīn autem aut mōrum aut studiōrum commūtātiō quaedam, ut fierī solet, facta erit, aut in reī pūblicae partibus dissēnsiō intercesserit (loquor enim iam, ut paulō ante dīxī, nōn dē sapientium, sed dē commūnibus amīcitiīs) cavendum erit nē nōn sōlum amīcitiae dēpositae, sed etiam inimīcitiae susceptae videantur.But if some change either of character or of interests has taken place, as usually happens, or if disagreement over political parties has come between friends (for I am now speaking, as I said a little earlier, not of the friendships of the wise but of ordinary ones), we shall have to take care not to seem not only to have laid aside a friendship, but also to have taken up an enmity.
Amic. 21.77Nihil enim est turpius quam cum eō bellum gerere, quōcum familiāriter vīxerīs.For nothing is more disgraceful than to wage war with someone with whom you have lived as an intimate. Amic. 21.77Ab amīcitiā Q. Pompēī meō nōmine sē remōverat, ut scītis, Scīpiō;Scipio had withdrawn from friendship with Quintus Pompeius on my account, as you know; Amic. 21.77propter dissēnsiōnem autem, quae erat in rē pūblicā, aliēnātus est ā collēgā nostrō Metellō;and because of a disagreement that existed in public affairs, he was estranged from our colleague Metellus; Amic. 21.77utrumque ēgit graviter ac moderātē et offēnsiōne animī nōn acerbā.in both cases he acted with dignity and restraint, and with feelings offended but not embittered. Amic. 21.78Quam ob rem prīmum danda opera est nē qua amīcōrum discidia fīant, sīn tāle aliquid ēvēnerit, ut exstīnctae potius amīcitiae quam oppressae esse videantur.Wherefore our first effort must be that no breaches between friends occur, but if anything of the kind should happen, that the friendships should seem to have burnt out rather than to have been stamped out. Amic. 21.78Cavendum vērō nē etiam in gravīs inimīcitiās convertant sē amīcitiae ex quibus iūrgia maledicta contumēliae gignuntur.But we must beware that friendships do not even turn into bitter enmities, from which quarrels, abuse and insults are born.
Amic. 21.78Quae tamen sī tolerābilēs erunt, ferendae sunt et hic honōs veterī amīcitiae tribuendus, ut is in culpā sit quī faciat, nōn is quī patiātur, iniūriam.Yet if these are bearable, they must be borne, and this honour must be paid to an old friendship, that the one who does the wrong is at fault, not the one who suffers it. Amic. 21.78Omnīnō omnium hōrum vitiōrum atque incommodōrum ūna cautiō est atque ūna prōvīsiō, ut nē nimis citō dīligere incipiant nēve nōn dignōs.In general there is one precaution and one provision against all these faults and inconveniences: that men should not begin to love too quickly, nor love the unworthy. Amic. 21.79Dignī autem sunt amīcitiā, quibus in ipsīs īnest causa cūr dīligantur.Those are worthy of friendship who have in themselves a reason why they should be loved. Amic. 21.79Rārum genus!A rare kind! Amic. 21.79et quidem omnia praeclāra, rāra, nec quicquam difficilius quam reperīre quod sit omnī ex parte in suō genere perfectum.and indeed all splendid things are rare, and nothing is harder than to find something which is in every respect perfect of its kind. Amic. 21.79Sed plērīque neque in rēbus hūmānīs quicquam bonum nōrunt nisi quod frūctuōsum sit, et amīcōs tamquam pecudēs eōs potissimum dīligunt, ex quibus spērant sē maximum frūctum esse captūrōs.But most people recognise nothing as good in human affairs unless it is profitable, and they love their friends, as they would cattle, chiefly those from whom they hope to reap the greatest profit.
Amic. 21.80Ita pulcherrimā illā et maximē nātūrālī carent amīcitiā per sē et propter sē expetītā,nec ipsī sibi exemplō sunt, haec vīs amīcitiae et quālis et quanta sit.Thus they lack that most beautiful and most natural friendship, sought for itself and for its own sake, nor are they an example to themselves of what this power of friendship is, and how great. Amic. 21.80Ipse enim sē quisque dīligit, nōn ut aliquam ā sē ipse mercēdem exigat cāritātis suae, sed quod per sē quisque sibi cārus est;For each man loves himself, not in order to exact from himself some reward for his affection, but because each is dear to himself for his own sake; Amic. 21.80quod nisi idem in amīcitiam trānsferētur, vērus amīcus numquam reperiētur: est enim is quī est tamquam alter īdem.and unless this same feeling is transferred to friendship, a true friend will never be found: for a friend is, as it were, a second self. Amic. 21.81Quod sī hoc appāret in bēstiīs, volucribus nantibus agrestibus, cicuribus ferīs, prīmum ut sē ipsae dīligant—id enim pariter cum omnī animante nāscitur —deinde, ut requīrant atque appetant ad quās sē applicent eiusdem generis animantīs—idque faciant cum dēsīderiō et cum quādam similitūdine amōris hūmānī—quantō id magis in homine fit nātūrā, quī et sē ipse dīligit et alterum anquīrit, cuius animum ita cum suō misceat, ut efficiat paene ūnum ex duōbus!But if this is evident in animals, in birds, fish and beasts of the field, tame and wild, first that they love themselves (for this is born alike with every living creature), and next that they seek and long for creatures of their own kind to attach themselves to (and do this with longing and with a certain likeness to human love), how much more does this happen by nature in man, who both loves himself and seeks another whose mind he may so blend with his own as almost to make one out of two!