1We must now establish what are the limits, and as it were the boundary-stones, of affection in friendship. 1On this I see three opinions put forward, none of which I approve: one, that we should feel towards a friend in the same way as towards ourselves; 1the second, that our goodwill towards our friends should correspond equally and evenly to their goodwill towards us; 1the third, that however highly each man values himself, so highly should he be valued by his friends. 57With none of these three opinions do I agree at all. 57For that first one is not true, that each should be disposed towards his friend as he is towards himself.
57For how many things we do for the sake of friends which we would never do for our own sake! 57To beg from an unworthy man, to supplicate, and again to inveigh too bitterly against someone and attack him too vehemently: things which in our own affairs are done not quite honourably are done most honourably in those of our friends; 57and there are many matters in which good men take much away from their own advantages, and allow it to be taken away, so that their friends rather than they themselves may enjoy them. 58The second opinion is the one that defines friendship by equal services and wishes. 58This is indeed to call friendship to account too narrowly and meanly, so that the reckoning of what is received and what is given may balance.
58True friendship seems to me to be richer and more abundant than that, and not to watch strictly lest it give back more than it has received: for there is no need to fear that something may be lost, or something spill on the ground, or more than is fair be heaped up in friendship. 59But that third limit is the worst, that however highly each man values himself, so highly should he be valued by his friends. 59For often in some men either the spirit is too downcast or the hope of bettering their fortune too broken. 59It is not, then, the part of a friend to be towards him as he is towards himself, but rather to strive and bring it about that he rouses his friend's fallen spirit and leads him to better hopes and thoughts.
59Another limit, therefore, must be set for true friendship, once I have told you what Scipio used most to find fault with. 59He used to say that no saying more hostile to friendship could be found than that of the man who had said that one ought to love as though one would some day hate; 59nor indeed could he be brought to believe that this had been said, as was supposed, by Bias, who was held to be one of the seven wise men; 59it was, he said, the opinion of some impure man, or an ambitious one, or one who referred everything to his own power. 59For how will anyone be able to be a friend to a man to whom he thinks he may be an enemy?
59Nay more, he will have to desire and wish that his friend may do wrong as often as possible, so as to give him the more handles, as it were, for reproach; and on the other hand he will be bound to be vexed, pained and envious at his friends' right actions and good fortune. 60Wherefore this precept, whoever's it is, serves to destroy friendship: what should rather have been taught is that we should use such care in forming friendships as never to begin to love someone whom we might some day hate. 60Moreover, even if we had been less fortunate in our choice, Scipio thought we ought to bear with it rather than think of a time of enmity.